Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST, is a certified sex therapist and psychologist specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in children and adults. A prolific writer and international presenter, this is his fourth book on ADHD. He also hosts the popular podcast "More Attention, Less Deficit" for adults with ADHD.

Acknowledgments

Introduction: Good Sex is Extra Important for Couples With ADHD

Sex is Important

The Double-Edged Sword of Sex

How to Read This Book

Some Disclaimers

SECTION I

The Lay of the Land: Research Results

Introduction: Better Sex Through Statistics:

The ADHD Relationship Sex Survey

The ADHD Relationship Sex Survey

Take the Survey Yourself

Nice Numbers!

I Only Care if it's Useful

Some Minor and Major Number Crunching

Remember, Everybody's Got Something

It's All Good

Cut to the Chase: Give Me the Important Lessons!

1 In Their Own Words

Non-ADHD Women

ADHD Women

Non-ADHD Men

ADHD Men

In Conclusion

2 How ADHD Impacts Sex and Relationships

Surprising Findings

From Bad to Worse?

Early is Easy

Early is Easy in Bed, Too

Sexual Frequency

Masturbation to Make Up the Difference?

Sexual Barriers and Masturbation Frequency

Porn Use Frequency

Partner's Porn Use Frequency

Sexual Barriers and Porn Use

Porn Use Feelings

Huh? Distracted Sex

Sexual Effort is Imbalanced, Too

Sexual Variety

Kinkiness

Physical and Emotional Infidelity

Consensual Nonmonogamy

Barriers to a More Satisfying Sex Life

The Sexual Eagerness Cluster

The Big Three: Sexual Frequency, Sexual Satisfaction, and Relationship Satisfaction

Bridge the Divide

Take Away Lessons

3 Make the Most of Treatment

How Hard Are You Working At it?

I'm Working Harder Than You Are

Treatment Effort Matters More Than You Think

Maximizing Treatment Effectiveness

Take Away Lessons

Role Models: What Can We Learn From the Happiest Couples?

Beware of Negative Momentum

The Big Drivers of Satisfaction

Follow the Leaders

Take Away Lessons

SECTION II

Principles of Great Sex Lives 93

Introduction: Your Sex Life is Worth Working On

5 Sex Makes You a Better Person

Peace Sometimes Requires War

The Double-Edged Sword of Desire

Self-Esteem, Self-Acceptance, and Other-Acceptance

Between the Hammer and the Anvil

Take Away Lessons

6 Respectful Communication and Productive Negotiation

Be Accepting

From Thought to Action

The Importance of Being Good at Rejection

Take Away Lessons

7 It's All Foreplay

It All Spills Forward

The Sex Funnel

Quality, Not Just Quantity

Take Away Lessons

8 Make it a Priority

Make and Protect Good Feelings for Sex

Make and Protect Time for Sex

Make and Protect Energy for Sex

Make It Happen

Take Away Lessons

9 Sex 101 (and 201, and 301 . . .)

Healthy Body, Horny Mind

Exciters and Inhibitors: The Sexual Gas and Brake

The Importance of Foreplay

Enjoy the Process

Most Women Don't Orgasm Just From Intercourse

Share Your Toys

Fantasy vs Action

Sex into the Older Years

Everything is Better With Lube

Specific and/or Narrow Sexual Interests

Whips and Chains and Floggers, Oh My

Take Away Lessons

10 Taking Some Personal Time: Masturbation

The Ethics of Masturbation

Men Masturbate to Make Up the Difference (But Women Don't as Much)

Are Sex and Masturbation the Same?

Is Masturbation Cheating or Criticism?

Masturbation as Path of Least Resistance

Masturbate Together

Take Away Lessons

11 What About Porn?

Porn Within Your Relationship

The Benefits of Porn

Some Things to Keep in Mind

If Porn is a Personal Problem

If Porn is a Relationship Problem

Porn May Be Problematic, But it isn't Addictive

Take Away Lessons

SECTION III

Overcome Specific Issues 239

Introduction: The Double-Edged Sword of Sex

12 When the Negotiations Break Down

Disagreements About Our Shared Sexual Repertoire

Disagreements About How Often We Do it

Difficult Sexual Negotiations

Seriously Irreconcilable Differences

Take Away Lessons

13 Problems With Performance and Pleasure

It's All Connected

Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder

Erectile Disorder: Not the End of the World

Premature Ejaculation: Learn to Slow it Down

Delayed Ejaculation: Almost, Almost, Almost . . .

Problems With Specific Desires

Take Away Lessons

14 Problems With Desire: Not Enough Sex

Desire Downers: Many Potential Sexual Drains

What Does History Teach Us?

What Are Your Goals?

Start Slow

What About Asexuality?

When Desire is Lacking-And Also the Desire to Desire

If You Want to Want it

Where Do Solo Activities Fit?

Take Away Lessons

15 Secret Stuff With Other People: Hookups and Affairs

Fidelity Agreements: What is and isn't Acceptable?

Preventing Infidelity

Surviving Infidelity

Take Away Lessons

16 Consensual Sex With Other People: Other Arrangements

Covering the Range

The Fantasy Versus the Reality

Not the Solution for Relationship Problems

Maybe the Solution for a Specific Problem

Communication-And Lots of it

Take Away Lessons

17 Lessons for Dating: Begin With the End in Mind

Lessons From Your Past

Lessons From the Survey

What Are You Looking For?

Dating Apps for the Impatient and Impulsive

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Survive and Thrive

Take Away Lessons

18 Final Thoughts

Appendix A: The ADHD Relationship Sex Survey

Appendix B: Provider Directories

Appendix C: Recommended Reading

Literature Cited

Index