'A rollicking joyride . . . puns for the whole family' - British Comedy Guide
Gary Delaney is the star of Mock The Week, Live at the Apollo and many more TV shows, and has played live to thousands of people across the UK, delivering his hilarious trademark one-liners. Here, for the first time, is a collection of over 1,000 of his finest gags. Featuring the likes of...

Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme.

We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof.

Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid.

Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again.

My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'.

Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment.

My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me.

Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know.

Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them.