A former priest and National Book Award-winning writer examines his crisis of faith and his journey to renewal in this beautifully written memoir that also traces the roots of the Catholic sex abuse scandal back to the history and power structure of the church itself.

James Carroll weaves together the story of his quest to understand his personal beliefs and his relationship to the Catholic church with the history of the church itself. From his first awakening of faith as a boy to his gradual restlessness and disillusionment as a Catholic, Carroll offers a razor-sharp examination both of himself and also of how the church became an institution that places power and dominance over people through an all-male clergy.

Carroll argues that a male-supremacist clericalism is both the root cause and the ongoing enabler of the sex abuse crisis that poses an existential threat to the church, compromising the ability even of a good pope like Pope Francis to advance change in an institution accountable only to itself. Carroll traces this dilemma back to the Roman Empire and the Middle Ages, when Scripture, Jesus Christ, and his teachings were reinterpreted as the church became an Empire. In a deeply personal re-examination of self, Carroll grapples with his own feelings of being chosen, his experiences as a priest, and the moments of doubt that made him lose faith in the church, leave the priesthood, become an op-ed columnist at The Boston Globe writing about sexual abuse in the church, and embark on a personal journey toward renewal.

Ultimately, Carroll calls on the church and all reform-minded Catholics to renew the culture from within by embracing anti-clerical, anti-misogynist resistance and staying grounded in the spirit of love that is the essential truth at the heart of Christian belief and the Christian life.